Is Your Spouse the Right Fit to Manage Your Children’s Trust?

• Choosing a trustee is one of the most important estate planning decisions parents can make because the role involves managing assets, communicating with beneficiaries, and carrying out your intentions over time
• A spouse may bring valuable family insight, continuity, and commitment to your wishes, but the role can also require financial knowledge, administrative discipline, and emotional distance that may be difficult in certain family situations
• Flexible trust structures—such as co-trustees, successor trustees, professional trustees, or divided responsibilities—can help balance personal understanding with objective oversight and long-term continuity

Naming your spouse as trustee can provide invaluable family insight and continuity, but you should carefully weigh those benefits against potential risks, such as limited financial expertise, administrative experience, or objectivity.

Estate planning is often one of those important goals that families intend to address but can be easy to put off. Taking the time to put a plan in place can help better protect the people you love. Yet moving forward with an estate plan can be difficult because it is fraught with emotional subjects like mortality.

A trustee is a critical component to ensure your wishes are carried out as part of your estate plan. This person is named in trust documents to legally manage and administer the assets in that trust (e.g., cash, investments, real estate, etc.) according to the terms of the documents and in the best interests of the beneficiary.

This all sounds pretty cut-and-dried—except for the fact that you're no longer here and want to have confidence your wishes will be obeyed when you're gone.

Managing trust assets can include investing as well as distributing assets to beneficiaries. The law requires a trustee to follow the terms of the documents. So, what should you look for in a trustee? The strongest candidates are often those who can pair personal understanding with the discipline required to administer the trust well.

• Financial knowledge and investment oversight. Part of the role of a trustee is to manage the assets. The trustee should understand investments and their relative performances, whether he or she manages the assets or hires a third party to do it.
• Organization, recordkeeping, and communication. The trustee needs to keep track of assets held in the trust, as well as any distributions. Is your trustee candidate organized?
• Clear communication with beneficiaries. Beneficiaries must be kept informed about trust administration and provided accounting results.
• Integrity. The role of trustee requires a high standard of care and sense of duty to the beneficiaries. You want someone with strong moral principles.
• Time and availability. Depending on size and complexity, the trustee's role could be minimal or more significant depending on how much attention the trust assets require and the needs of the beneficiaries.
• Understanding you. The trust itself will contain documentation about your wishes, but it won't be able to spell out every situation and contain what your intent would be as decisions arise.
• Willingness to take on responsibility. Since the role of trustee is not insignificant, the trustee must be willing and able to take on this role.
• Location. In our virtual world, location may seem somewhat less important, because we can easily transact business over the phone or internet. But there is something to be said for proximity to beneficiaries to better understand their needs and circumstances in person.
• Age. While a trustee must legally be at least 18, you want to ensure the individual is mature enough to manage the assets and have the judgment required to make important decisions. On the other hand, older trustees might not outlive a trust's duration, depending on the beneficiaries' ages and/or the purpose of the trust.

Once you know which characteristics are most important in a trustee, you can begin to look at potential candidates, typically family members, friends, or professional trustees (e.g., trust company, attorney, financial advisor). Oftentimes, since a spouse is typically closest—and most loved—that’s often a natural first place to look. That said, it’s worth looking at both the benefits and potential drawbacks.

Spouses may bring several meaningful strengths to the role, including:

• Privacy and control. Keeping trust administration within the family can help preserve discretion around sensitive financial and personal matters. 
• Familiarity. Close knowledge of the children’s personalities, needs, relationships, and family dynamics can be valuable when decisions arise.
• Continuity. Maintaining an existing family connection may provide stability for children during an already difficult period of transition. 
• Alignment with your wishes. Firsthand understanding of your values and intentions can help guide decisions in a way that reflects your goals for your children.
• Time and commitment. A trusted family member may be willing to dedicate the time and attention required to administer the trust thoughtfully.
• Cost efficiency. Waived or minimal fees may help reduce administrative costs

• Experience gap. Technical responsibilities such as investment oversight, bookkeeping, tax coordination, and recordkeeping may require skills he or she does not have.
• Conflict risk. Complex family dynamics, including stepchildren or blended families, may call for independent oversight to help prevent disputes or perceived inequalities.
• Family tension. Placing administrative authority with one family member can create stress between the surviving spouse and children, especially as children become adults.

Fortunately, there are flexible trust structures that can help balance family involvement with professional oversight, reduce tension, and allow roles to evolve as circumstances change. Because these decisions can involve sensitive family dynamics, it can be helpful to seek guidance from an objective third-party professional. An advisor with experience in trust planning can help moderate difficult conversations, identify planning options, and structure roles in a way that supports your goals.

• Co-trustees can balance family insight and professional expertise. Pairing a family member or trusted friend with a professional trustee can combine personal understanding with objective experience. As beneficiaries mature, they may also be added as co-trustees of their own trusts to encourage engagement, ownership, and financial education.
• Successor trustees help preserve continuity over time. Because the right trustee today may not always be the right trustee in the future, naming one or more successors can help ensure a logical transition if circumstances change, such as age, availability, location, or family needs.
• Dividing trustee responsibilities can reduce family tension. Another option is to separate roles based on the skills and oversight each responsibility requires, sub-dividing them as follows:
  • Administrative trustee. Handles bookkeeping, tax filing, and related administrative responsibilities.
  • Investment advisor. Manages and helps preserve the trust’s assets.
  • Professional or corporate trustee. Provides continuity and professional oversight.
  • Individual trustee. Offers family insight and may have the ability to remove or replace a professional trustee.
  • Trust protector. Provides oversight and administrative safeguards to help ensure the trustee acts according to the trust’s intent.

None of these decisions or discussions are easy. However, once they begin, they often become progressively easier. Determining who should serve as trustee for your children’s trust ultimately depends on your family dynamics, goals, and personal circumstances. Naming a spouse can offer meaningful advantages, including insight, continuity, commitment to your wishes, and potential cost efficiencies.

If you are concerned about potential drawbacks, consider alternative or complementary approaches that balance family involvement with professional support. With the right planning, trustee decisions can become less about traditional roles and more about building a structure that provides for your children while reflecting your intentions over time.

Explore our Wealth Planning services to learn how thoughtful planning can help protect your family, preserve your assets, and support your long-term goals.

A version of this article was published in Kiplinger on February 11, 2026.

This article is for informational purposes only and is not intended as an offer or solicitation for the sale of any financial product or service. It is not designed or intended to provide financial, tax, legal, investment, accounting, or other professional advice since such advice always requires consideration of individual circumstances. If professional advice is needed, the services of a professional advisor should be sought.

There is no assurance that any investment, financial, or estate planning strategy will be successful. Estate planning strategies require consideration of the suitability based on individual objectives, financial situation, and particular needs.

Wilmington Trust is not authorized to and does not provide legal, accounting, or tax advice. Our advice and recommendations provided to you are illustrative only and subject to the opinions and advice of your own attorney, tax advisor, or other professional advisor.

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